Thursday, May 17, 2012

Twins as Individuals (and Why I Can't Win)

The kids are napping, my house is a disaster zone, and I don't feel like cleaning it.  So, I'm going to blog.  :)

(Leila / Hadley.  I wish this picture were in focus, but I'll take what I can get.)  :)

Most of the time, I feel like a stay-at-home mother of three, sometimes forgetting that two of them were in my belly at the same time.  (Hadley and Leila actually aren't aware that they're twins.  They don't get the concept.)  Other times, I'm very aware that we have twins, and that we had three kids in 30 months.  It's usually triggered by going out in public.  At home, our "three under three" feels totally normal.  At the grocery store, or in restaurants, we get lots of smiles, stares, and "you've got your hands full!"  Right now, having been out in public a lot recently, I'm in a "twinny" phase.  So, bear with me while I write a little monologue about twins.

This is what I've been dwelling on recently: when it comes to telling our twins apart, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Hadley and Leila are identical.  Tony and I have been able to tell them apart since the moment they were born, but we're the only ones who can do that.  Our family and friends are awesome at making an effort, but we usually have to remind them which one has bangs or what shirts they are wearing that day or correct a mix-up.  And we're totally okay with that.  What drives me c-r-a-z-y is when people don't make an effort at all.  They've been called "HadleyorLeila".  I've been told, "yeah, I won't remember that."  I've been asked, "which one is that?"  (Which is sometimes okay, but the emphasis on "that" was odd.  Please call my child a "she", not a "that".)

It seems like I would be THRILLED if people could tell them apart, right?  Well, I'm a fickle, emotional female.  :)

The girls and I went to the mall the other day to run a quick errand.  Of course, before we left, we stopped by the play area and stayed for about half an hour.  Marlowe was sleeping, so I parked the stroller and sat down.  The mom sitting next to me said, "are those girls twins?"  I puffed up my chest with pride and prepared my answer, until I realized she was pointing at two little blonde babies playing near the slide.  I gave my best guess (I didn't think so), and we were silent for a few minutes.  Then, I couldn't handle it any longer.  "But MY girls are twins!" I announced, pointing them out so that the other mom could see them.  "Oh, yeah ... I guess they are," she said.  And that was it.  She wouldn't have noticed them.  And that made me sad.

You see what I mean?  I want people to tell them apart, but I also want people to not tell them apart.  I want people to see them as individuals, but also as twins.  I can't win.

So, if I can't have it all, I guess I'll "be thankful in all circumstances".  Lesson learned.  End rant.  :)

1 comment:

Kate said...

I think there are some of those feelings that exist in all of us moms...not relating to the twins issue, of course, but of wanting our kids to sometimes be normal and to sometimes stand out as special. i do think your girls are fabulous and unique...and as long as they're sporting their unique hairstyles and Leila wears lilac I'll always tell them apart. ;) Thankful for you!